#RelatableLyrics

Flowers don't know me like trees know wind and winds 

Blows a breeze one way to snow

The flowers around

They're all around

Underline

Clouds floating high above the sky
As it is so heavy
Sweeping the light, leaving thoughts empty
And I am both
Worn and weary, ail insanely

Copper dust
Flicking hoarse sound through the cutting
Blade under rust
And you are both
Mad and sorry, ceaselessly crushed

Would chase what is ahead and behind
Would run and deprive rue and sadness
Would climb and see the horizon
Erupt to a glory beyond compare

But we are nothing
Other than unworthy ruins

Ruins who are
Scared
Damaged
Defeated


~c, b.e.w
October 27th 2013

A Note, A Rant, A Life

Hating life is a constant reminder that you actually live your life....

In the worst state of living. And unfortunately I get that almost everyday because of people around me suddenly act like jerks and I kinda want to give them a square punch on the face or say something really offensive. Like call them bollocks or something.

The thing that I cannot understand is the part when I have to "understand everyone and everything in every situation and why in the world these things happen in the first place", which we know, in the simplest form in society's dictionary as "caring", while "everyone and everything in every situation" that needed to be understood can't be labelled understandable. AT ALL.

Case solved. The world demands you to understand and care and forgivable to others but be hard to yourself. Get that? Harm yourself, eat out your heart, take back your tears and feelings, wreck your brain, bury all your fears, be judgmental to your own feeling,  leave everything you love, tell lies that make people happy but hurt every pore of your sense, crack fake smile, pretend to like what everybody think cool, be someone you're not, dying to be the figure of perfection, because that's okay as long as people happy with that. 

That is what I got. My vision of the world after 15 almost 16  years breathing air and "living".

Like why do we have to care for those who do not bother to even think of what would hurt us and what wouldn't? Why do we have to keep our voices low while they scream, telling us we're not worth it? Why do we have to stop when they told us to stop? Why do we have to be so weak? So damaged?

Why. Do. We. Have. To. Care. So. Much

The nerve. Feels like I'm about to explode. When I read Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being A Wallflower, I almost believe.

I mean,

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."  

- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

But almost, dude. So close but do not touch.

".. we can try to feel okay about them."

Try to feel okay. Not actually feel okay. Well done, Chbosky.
That is when something hit me. Try to feel okay is still better, and different than pretend to feel okay. Even if it's only the slightest, at least it's real. You give efforts to make them realer. And that is good. Better than loathing the past and live in your illusion.

Excellent, Chbosky.

I started to look up at him, after reading this part:

“It's much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.”

At that time, there is nothing, like literally nothing I wanted to do more than meeting Charlie, and stare straight to his eyes, then ask him: "How does feeling infinite felt like?"

I bet he would go for hours. Or even days. And I wouldn't mind. Because I like fairytales, and the story about feeling infinite is one for me. Something you want to believe, something you can see floating above you, but you could not reach it.

That alone is a treat. But I want to make it real.

I guess I like it better if I can tell someone in the future that I live my teenage years with freedom and infinity. Without thinking too much before saying something. Without going to the side everyone wanted me to go, instead of choosing my own path. Without being so driven. Without having the need to loathe myself. Without counting lies I tell in a day. Without insecurities. Without holding rage. Without hate and grudge. Without feeling so wrong and out of place.

Like Nick Carraway, I feel within and without.

I can't say that I like it that way or not. But the thing to be alive is experiencing something called "not sure" and "in between". So we can try to feel okay about them, like we can try to feel okay about the life itself, right?

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning—

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. 

- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

The World From The Side of The Moon

Hayhay! Selamat pagi menjelang siang! *gaya Nada, temen sekelas yang kalo maju ke depan kelas gak bisa diem kayak kebelet pipis*

Muehehehe. Saya kangen nge-blog demi apa. Kangen banget kayak waktu dulu kelas 8 semester dua pas pada rajin-rajinnya nge-blog dan komen gak pernah sepi, sampe yang gak penting aja jadi bahan gosip berminggu-minggu. Terus waktu gaya bahasa (?)-nya masih alay alay gituuuu :3

Waktu hidup masih terasa mudah.

Saya tu orangnya sering KSBB. Apalagi kalo habis scrolling tumblr atau denger lagu dan nemu yang nyentuh-nyentuh.

Misalnyaaaaa lagu-lagu di albumnya Phillip Phillips <--- ujung-ujungnya Promosi--"

Albumnya judulnya The World From The Side of The Moon, dan rilis sekitar bulan-bulan seginian tahun lalu. Sebenernya telat sih promosinya, telat setahun. Cuma waktu single pertamanya Phillip Phillips yang 'Home' rilis, tak kira bakal dapet recognition di Indonesia seiring berjalannya waktu. Makanya saya tunggu-tunggu, saya pantau terus views video-nya di youtube, eh udah setahun kok baru 22 juta aja yang nonton. Makanya saya memutuskan untuk jor-joran promosinya sampe bikin editan segala. Tapi itu cerita nanti. Sekarang, kalian harus kenalan dulu sama Phillip Phillips.

Jadi, Phillip Phillips atau Phillip LaDon Phillips Jr, adalah pemenang American Idol season 11 yang mencetak rekor dengan coronation song (lagu kemenangan) berpenjualan terbanyak dan dinobatkan sebagai yang terbaik. Jangan heran, soalnya gak kaya American Idol winner lainnya, genre-nya Phillip paling beda. Kalo yang lainnya pop, dia folk. 

Nah lhoooo. Dor. Erika kan cinta banget sama musik folk (malah curhat-_-)

Phillip lahir 20 September 1990, jadi sekarang umurnya sudah 23 tahun. Masmas agak bapak-bapak gitu. Tapi kereeen indie banget gayanya. LOL

Mau liat mukanya? Sana search google.

Gausah deng. Langsung ke MV aja yaaa. Kalian bakal tau yang mana Phillip. Dia yang nyanyi-nyanyi sambil bawa gitar. As if it doesn't obvious enough._.

Saya suka Home. Suka banget malah. Tapi single-nya yang kedua-lah yang bikin saya jatuh cinta. Judulnya Gone Gone Gone. Yang ini  view-nya baru 10 juta-an

Bagus kan lagunyaaaaa???

Nah selain suka lagunya, saya suka video-videonya dia. Hipster banget, tumblr banget. Sampe bikin editan eh :p

Tadinya gini

Jadi gini. Gak jauh beda sih, hehe

Tunggu ada lagi ada lagi. Yang ini berkat Tutorialnya Nada

Pertamanya udah bagus 

Jadi tambah bagus kan? :p

Oke udah stop. Yang penting phillip Phillips keren kaaaaan? Ayo beli albumnya. Follow twitternya juga yaaa @Phillips :D

Dan okeeee sekarang Erika mau makan siang.

Dadah

Kjshfdwgerghjdsghd

I'm lost. This is bad. I couldn't find myself. This feeling isn't the feeling when you're about to cry. Crying is you plus tears. On contrary, what I feel is me minus something.

Me minus something important.


WHY CAN'T I LIVE MY LIFE NORMALLY FOR JUST LIKE ONE FREAKING DAY???