Irreplaceable

Aku kangen kalian. Kangen banget. 

Banyak yang bilang kalian udah berubah, dan aku berharap itu nggak bener. 

Aku nggak tau harus ngomong apa, tapi aku kangen. Sama ketawa gila kita, sama kerajinan kalian yang kontras banget sama kemalesanku, sama beda pendapat kita. Betapa kalian nggak malu punya temen aneh dan keset tukang telat kayak aku.

Semangat ya, kalian. Semoga dapet pengalaman, prestasi, pelajaran, dan temen-temen baru yang lebih baik disana :)

Though I may fade in your visions, and day by day I'm getting even more blurry until I'm just a ghost living in your memories, and it's getting too late to look back at me, and it gets too hard to remember even a little bit of me, as hopeless or pathetic it may sounds, I'm with you. Always

Memilih Tinggal

Ditinggalkan bukan pilihan? Siapa bilang?

Ketika orang lain memutuskan untuk pergi, lalu kamu memilih untuk tinggal, itu namanya bukan ditinggalkan. Tapi bertahan.

Ketika orang lain memutuskan untuk pergi dan kamu tetap tinggal dan kamu berpikir bahwa kamu tak punya kuasa sama sekali atas keadaanmu, maka kamu memilih untuk menjadi yang ditinggalkan.

Memilih untuk ditinggalkan.

Open Letter To...

We're real people with real hearts, real minds, and real feelings too. We're real people who breathe, think, and get hurt. We got our own opinions and values. We grew up with different individuals around us. Those who we share our thoughts and ideas with. Those who taught us things and told us about matters in life. And they are all different person, each and every one of them. 

You can't just expect us to follow your 'rules' every single time. To agree with all of your opinions and stay silent when you cross over the values we live with. Our ideas of caring and 'togetherness' are different. We ARE different.

By lowering other people's view, and telling people that their decision is some kind of a 'stabbing' action, doesn't make you a better individual. It just shows that you are terribly narrow-minded because you can't accept how others view a problem in some different ways. And to see things diversely is not our fault nor anybody's fault. Each person got opinions because people are entitled to 'em. Everyone got their rights to have opinions that no other person have the right to judge or interrupt, as long as they have rational and reliable reason.

We have our reasons and I think they are rational and liable enough. So liable and rational that people outside of our circumstance who got told the story in the most honest form would understand why we choose what we've chosen back then.

Seeing your indirect tweets only made things worse. Yes, I have a problem with those tweets. I have problems, actually. 

Pijak Sunyi

Rumah ini muram tapi meledak dalam tawa gelisah
Protes dan keluh kesah
Beriringan dengan suara air menerjang atap,
Tanah liat lemah
yang kering, lalu basah lagi.
Gelap. Seperti semua tanah,
gelap.


Biru pudar bernaung dibawahnya
Kata hujan,
"Jangan berpegang pada kata-kata."
Percayakah yang bernapas didalamnya?
Tidak.
Tanpa sadar dia menghirup dan menghembuskan
kata demi kata.
Meski tak semuanya nyata


Kalimat, frasa, kata
Pijakannya di setiap pagi
Di hari bernama Minggu
Pijakannya setiap waktu
Seperti angin pantai dan daun kelapa
Tak ada yang satu,
tak ada yang satu


Tombol-tombol hitam, nyeri.
Beban jemari
Bergunakah, aku. Aku, aku, aku
Kamu


Seribu detik berlalu, dan
Lenguhan pasir di ladang senja
berganti.
Merah sedelima
Sejuta kata membayang, seperti wayang
dibalik layar.


Tapi sunyi.
Melesak ke dalam rongga kosong
Di sini.


Rasanya bagai pasien di ruang dokter
Yang tak bisa menjelaskan di mana
atau bagaimana
sakitnya.
Hanya sakit.
Sangat sakit, dan sunyi.


Riuh kata. Dimana-mana
Langit ikut berdebat
Bipolar tapi anggun
Anggun dan bingung
Lagu siren yang melenakan.
Tapi di dalam, sunyi.


Sunyi melesak ke dalam rongga kosong,
memenuhinya dengan gema.
Di sini.
Di hati


Saat kata terbakar mereka tetap bermakna
Saat hati tersiksa mereka tetap percaya
Lebih dalam.
Lebih tragis, dalam sunyi.


Diatas kata-kata sunyi itulah
Dia berpijak.
Dia bernapas.
Dia belajar.


Yang indah tak harus bersuara
Tak harus megah dan berwarna
Tak harus sempurna


Landas pijakan tak harus kuat
Yang penting adalah,
bagaimana caranya,
dan bagaimana caramu berpijak.


c, b.e.w~
15 November 2013

"Promise"

And meet me there, bundles of flowers,

We wait through the hours of cold

Winter shall howl at the walls,

Tearing down doors of time.

Shelter as we go...

And promise me this:

You’ll wait for me only,

Scared of the lonely arms.

Surface, far below these words

And maybe, just maybe I’ll come home

Who am I, darling to you?

Who am I?

Gonna tell you stories of mine

Who am I?

Who am I, darling for you?

Who am I?

Gonna be a burden in time, lonely

Who am I, to you?

Who am I, darling for you?

Who am I?

Going to be a burden

Who am I, darling to you?

Who am I?

I come alone here

I come alone here

Promise

Ben Howard, 2011

Every Kingdom